Whoa! Does that title make you want to run for the hills??!! I realize I haven’t said much about baby number three, mostly because it can be annoying when a pregnant woman always talks about her pregnancy, and also because it hasn’t been on my mind as much this time around. That may sound weird but we have plenty going on here. I ran into a woman at the post office the other day who I sort of know through Noah’s soccer club, and she took one good look at me holding my packages and Phare and said “Wow–you’re about to have your hands full!” I immediately responded that I already do! We both laughed, but inside I felt angry at her, for pointing out the obvious. One thing I’ve noticed is that men and women respond so differently to pregnancy. For example, the produce man at Price Chopper has to comment about the expected baby every week, and he never fails to be excited or to tell me his own stories, or to share with the deli man while I stand there and order turkey that “this lady was just pregnant and here she goes again!!” I mean, it’s flattering but weird at the same time. On the other hand, I find that women don’t even want to really acknowledge it. I’ve haven’t met a male stranger yet who did not ask the due date or even ask me how I’m feeling. A woman can easily pass it over as though you have stuffed your shirt. It doesn’t bother me, but I do find it a fascinating bit of psychology, and the brazenness of men is quite amusing.
Anyway, the time is close now, five weeks away, and it’s really sinking in. The heat is getting to me–Toby comes home wondering why I have the AC window units running when it’s 70. I’m uncomfortable at night now, waking up with lots of leg cramps and of course bladder issues. I finally went to Babies R Us (which around here is an all day event since it’s two hours away) and bought a crib and some other needed items. I’m starting to get really excited too, despite the discomfort and utter terror of managing two little beans and a 12 year old’s schedule. I’m excited to hold a tiny baby again, to experience those moments of sheer heaven a new baby brings, the newness of everything, the utter awe at the gift God has given us, and to meet our little girl!
I think my biggest fears right now are a.) a fast labor, like Phare. This sounds ridiculous, yes, but I do wish for it to be a little slower, as the speed created some real problems for me, like third degree tearing (sorry men) and a lot of blood loss resulting in anemia and leaving me very weak for a couple of months. I think it took about three months before I was no longer afraid to sit down. The midwife says there are ways to slow things down–I don’t believe her. Of course I am also more afraid of the pain this time, especially the end when the baby comes out. It’s so fresh in my mind, as though it happened yesterday. You are supposed to have more time to forget!
The next is b.) how to make it through the winter without going insane, becoming severely depressed, etc. I’m trying to get a plan in place to help with this but it’s inevitable that the snow will not help matters despite my best intentions. I’m seriously considering taking anti-depressants after the baby is born, which will perhaps also help with the sleep issues I continue to have. I even have a prescription filled, knowing how susceptible I am to depression and anxiety.
Lastly is c.) how to juggle babies so close in age, plus Noah, and not let him, especially, slip through the cracks. While this is overwhelming, there isn’t much I can do to be proactive about this other than prayer–just have to figure it out as we go. I believe we can do it, and we are lucky to have a lot of love and support in our lives to help us through. Also, I do have the fortunate perspective of Noah being so much older, and knowing that things really do get easier and the years just fly by. The hardship will not last forever.
All in all things have gone really well over these past several months and I don’t mean to complain too much. Sometimes I share these somber thoughts in hopes that someone will read them and feel less alone in their life, or be comforted knowing that others struggle too. That is comforting for me, and helps me come out of myself and my own self pity. I know God will give us the strength to make it in these “little years”/teenage years ahead, and I look forward to discovering and experiencing how we will grow and change and become closer as a family and closer in Him.
34 Weeks
