Whoa! Does that title make you want to run for the hills??!! I realize I haven’t said much about baby number three, mostly because it can be annoying when a pregnant woman always talks about her pregnancy, and also because it hasn’t been on my mind as much this time around. That may sound weird but we have plenty going on here. I ran into a woman at the post office the other day who I sort of know through Noah’s soccer club, and she took one good look at me holding my packages and Phare and said “Wow–you’re about to have your hands full!” I immediately responded that I already do! We both laughed, but inside I felt angry at her, for pointing out the obvious. One thing I’ve noticed is that men and women respond so differently to pregnancy. For example, the produce man at Price Chopper has to comment about the expected baby every week, and he never fails to be excited or to tell me his own stories, or to share with the deli man while I stand there and order turkey that “this lady was just pregnant and here she goes again!!” I mean, it’s flattering but weird at the same time. On the other hand, I find that women don’t even want to really acknowledge it. I’ve haven’t met a male stranger yet who did not ask the due date or even ask me how I’m feeling. A woman can easily pass it over as though you have stuffed your shirt. It doesn’t bother me, but I do find it a fascinating bit of psychology, and the brazenness of men is quite amusing.
Anyway, the time is close now, five weeks away, and it’s really sinking in. The heat is getting to me–Toby comes home wondering why I have the AC window units running when it’s 70. I’m uncomfortable at night now, waking up with lots of leg cramps and of course bladder issues. I finally went to Babies R Us (which around here is an all day event since it’s two hours away) and bought a crib and some other needed items. I’m starting to get really excited too, despite the discomfort and utter terror of managing two little beans and a 12 year old’s schedule. I’m excited to hold a tiny baby again, to experience those moments of sheer heaven a new baby brings, the newness of everything, the utter awe at the gift God has given us, and to meet our little girl!
I think my biggest fears right now are a.) a fast labor, like Phare. This sounds ridiculous, yes, but I do wish for it to be a little slower, as the speed created some real problems for me, like third degree tearing (sorry men) and a lot of blood loss resulting in anemia and leaving me very weak for a couple of months. I think it took about three months before I was no longer afraid to sit down. The midwife says there are ways to slow things down–I don’t believe her. Of course I am also more afraid of the pain this time, especially the end when the baby comes out. It’s so fresh in my mind, as though it happened yesterday. You are supposed to have more time to forget!
The next is b.) how to make it through the winter without going insane, becoming severely depressed, etc. I’m trying to get a plan in place to help with this but it’s inevitable that the snow will not help matters despite my best intentions. I’m seriously considering taking anti-depressants after the baby is born, which will perhaps also help with the sleep issues I continue to have. I even have a prescription filled, knowing how susceptible I am to depression and anxiety.
Lastly is c.) how to juggle babies so close in age, plus Noah, and not let him, especially, slip through the cracks. While this is overwhelming, there isn’t much I can do to be proactive about this other than prayer–just have to figure it out as we go. I believe we can do it, and we are lucky to have a lot of love and support in our lives to help us through. Also, I do have the fortunate perspective of Noah being so much older, and knowing that things really do get easier and the years just fly by. The hardship will not last forever.
All in all things have gone really well over these past several months and I don’t mean to complain too much. Sometimes I share these somber thoughts in hopes that someone will read them and feel less alone in their life, or be comforted knowing that others struggle too. That is comforting for me, and helps me come out of myself and my own self pity. I know God will give us the strength to make it in these “little years”/teenage years ahead, and I look forward to discovering and experiencing how we will grow and change and become closer as a family and closer in Him.
34 Weeks
Bekah! You look great. I can understand the anxiety you are feeling. Although I haven’t had to manage a 12 year old and all that must entail, I do know that the idea of manage a very young one and a newborn can be overwhelming.
I remember thinking when Ramona was born that I was at the absolute limit of what I could handle. Then a few months later we discovered how sick she was. Turns out I can handle a lot more than I thought. And we had a lot of help (thanks to you guys and other friends and family). I bet your little family is going to be a help magnet!
I wish I could be closer and DO something to help. I put another box in the mail today, enjoy
We love you guys.
Jane,
Thanks so much for your encouragement. I think of you guys so often in this journey we are in, and your lives are in inspiration and blessing to me. I wish you lived closer too, mostly because I just love you and miss you, and you are now the pro of “two baby raising”!! Can’t wait to see the goodies in the box! Thank you! Love you!
o cool- another girl. ok, I’ll get yarn shopping!
I noticed the same thing about men, although I thought it was because I mostly work with men. They were always so complimentary- telling me that I looked great pregnant, etc. They also were the ones who were the most encouraging at first. Women tended to have a ‘suck it up’ attitude that wasn’t helpful. Odd.
Anywho- you look great and I think that Jane’s right, you will be surprised at how much you can do once you *have* to.
I’m a little jealous of the new baby… so excited for you guys. let me know if we can do anything for you. much love & hugs
I think you look BEAUTIFUL. All will be well!
After the baby is born, consider coming south with the girls and let us baby all three of you until the early-summer mud season passes in VT. The “boys” can come to visit you on weekends.
Should we get the nursery and your room ready?
Dear Bekah,
Thank you, once again, for inviting me into your world of wonder.
I like to think that any man with anything between his ears will stand in absolute awe before a pregnant woman. And any woman who has been where you are should be sympathetic of your endeavors.
And I agree with Deacon: you are beautiful. And intelligent. And full of faith. These & other qualities will allow you to enjoy & care for your dear ones. All of them!
The heading only gets me excited! How beautiful you look too! I like how life provides us with days of tranquility so that we can handle the days of chaos. And the days of chaos help us appreciate the days (or moments) of tranquility! I say this, because I know that you will handle the days of chaos (or hopefully only moments) with grace, and I hope that you will remember that we are only a phone call away! We, too, are excited to meet the newest installment – any names??